Seeking Actor and Actress (Pittsburgh, PA)

We are seeking an actor and actress for a commercial that would possibly be aired nation wide.

- Female 20-24
- Male 21-25

Good if you have prior experience or even if you are looking for your first gig to break in to the entertainment world.

Please email me your head shots, and experiences.

If all goes well, could lead to other jobs.

• Location: Pittsburgh, PA
• Compensation: will be discussed

Roger Podacter	Tue, Jun 23, 2009
To: job-********@craigslist.org
Good morning, I recently stumbled upon your Craigslist ad and see you are looking for an actor to make your production a success. Well your search is over! Hello, My name is Roger Podacter. My experience in the world of theater is unparalleled. Here are some of my previous roles: - During middle school I acted in our school's production of Castaway, I starred as the pilot on the airplane that crashed. - Grease (Stage Crew) - West Side Story (Puerto Rican kid) - Weekend at Bernie's (Bernie) (This was in elementry school and has been my largest role to date) - The Jungle Book (Tree/Bush) - Oklahoma (Tumble weed) - Transformers (Lead-Role) (I was selected for the lead male role, but had to decline because of a DUI which prohibited me from any stunt driving, it was ultimately given to Shia LaBeouf My acting skills are not just limited to the stage though. I am also a student of improv acting, and last summer I successfully pulled over a school bus while pretending to be a cop. Other Incredible Skills: - I am an accomplished kazooist and have played the harp since I was 11 months old. - A Triple Threat, I also possess talents in magic and have been a practicing magician since 2002. - Most of my shows are impromptu where I will simply show up at a mall, car dealership or funeral home and wow the spectators. - My most dazzling feats include escaping a pool filled with gasoline engulfed in flames and correctly guessing an audience member's cholesterol. (I have yet to perform the pool stunt) - I can drive a car fast, and I am a pretty good drunk driver. (1 career DUI) My polaroid camera is currently broken, so I am unable to include headshots, but I will describe myself as others commonly do. - My face looks like the spawn of a child between Marlon Brando and Tila Tequila. - The ability to grow a full beard in 7 hours. - I once played a baby for a 7am shoot for Look Whose Talking 2, and then played Abraham Lincoln at 4pm the same day. Ok, now to talk about my fees. My fees are simple, I require $40/hr plus meals. I will also need a dressing room with a California king bed, a large leather couch, 50 boquets of flowers, 3 miniuature schnauzers and a small boy for my son Darius to play with. I usually require a ferris wheel to be on-site for all productions, but I am willing to negotiate. I look forward to being you star, Roger

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Couch Auditions

Curb Alert-floral couch (L*************)

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Date: 2009-06-24, 9:34AM EDT

floral couch, reds & greens & tans
would be good with a cover for a basement or something.
corner of 53rd and h********. pick up before garbage does thursday morning!


From Roger Podacter to sale**************@*************.org

Good afternoon,
I saw that you are looking to get rid of an old couch. I am an independent film maker and I am currently doing a documentary about the L.A. Riots of 1992. I don't have the money to actually travel to L.A. and film, so I have been filming most of the scenes in the Pittsburgh area. What I am proposing is that today, myself, my crew and 50 or so actors, will engulf your couch in flames and simulate a mock riot in front of your residence. This will enable me to get some "authentic" shots. The whole event should last only about 5 or 6 hours. As a reward for your donation I will include you in the film's credits.
I'll just need your name for the credits. Is there ample parking at your residence?

From Karissa to Roger Podacter

im sayin, if you have a permit to do so, go for it... sounds kind of illegal to just do though. and dont catch my car on fire

From Roger Podacter to Karissa

Being an independent film maker means that I try to buck system, so to answer your question bluntly "NO" I don't have a permit to film a riot in front of your burning couch. That is why we will try to get the shot as quickly as possible around 3 o'clock today.
In regards to catching your car on fire, we will try our best to not damage any of your property. My actors try to be authentic as possible, and we will have guns firing blanks, fake knife fights and flaming torches. In the past windows and trees/shrubs have been destroyed, but I have an incidentals fund of $100 that I keep for such accidents.
Thanks and I'll see you at 3.

From Karissa to Roger Podacter

well my car(s) are broke and dont move. so i DONT want them damaged. dont bring ur riot around bc my neighbors will NOT appreciate it. and im not ok with you "trying" not to damage stuff.

go find another couch

From Karissa to Roger Podacter

and if i get home and yins are there n anythin is damaged i will not hesistate to call the police. k thx

From Roger Podacter to Karissa

Karissa,
I understand your concerns, which is why I am willing to ease them by offering you $50 and the lead role in the riot. Basically you would throw a flaming cinder block into the face of one of the stuntmen. There is no danger in injuring him because he is a trained professional.
Please reconsider and don't forget that you would also be included in the credits.

From Karissa to Roger Podacter

NO i dont care about ur movie. i dont want my stuff damaged. i rent, and im pretty sure my landlord would be pissed. GO FIND ANOTHER COUCHHHHH

From Roger Podacter to Karissa

You are a good negotiator. OK, I will offer you $75, the lead role in the flaming cinder block stunt and I will also write in a scene where the camera zooms in for a close-up on your face and you shed a single tear. Do you have any acting experience? If not, its OK, we have Hollywood tricks that can produce this effect.
Change your mind?

From Karissa to Roger Podacter

ur an idiot.

From Roger Podacter to Karissa

I'M AN IDIOT!? I AM A DIRECTOR! WHAT ARE YOU!? YOU ARE JUST A DUMB LADY WHO LEAVES A COUCH OUTSIDE HER HOUSE! YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT BEING IN MY FILM! ALTHOUGH I WILL MENTION YOU IN THE CREDITS AND SAY THAT KARISSA ****** IS A B****! I AM TRYING TO OPEN PEOPLE'S EYES TO THE 1992 LA RIOTS AND YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO START THEM ALL OVER AGAIN.

I HOPE THAT 4 DOGS URINATE ALL OVER YOUR COUCH AND NO ONE COMES TO PICK IT UP BECAUSE IT SMELLS SO BAD. THEN I HOPE IT SITS THERE FOR MONTHS. THEN I HOPE YOUR LANDLORD GETS PISSED AND EVICTS YOU. THEN I HOPE YOU USE YOUR LAST $10 TO SEE MY FILM ABOUT THE RIOTS AND AT THE CLOSING CREDITS YOU WILL SEE A PICTURE OF A SMART PERSON WHO DONATED THEIR COUCH AND THREW A FLAMIN' CINDER BLOCK AND RECEIVED $2 MILLION AS COMPENSATION. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU.

From Karissa to Roger Podacter

im pretty sure the couch is outside bc it is garbage. and will be disposed of tomoro. so IDGAF.

LOSEr. ur the one writing paragraphs to someone about garbage who u werent even gonna pay and just f*** up their property. go write a blues album.

and ps. my real name aint even karissa A$

From Roger Podacter to Karissa

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING F*** IF YOUR REAL NAME ISN'T KARISSA! THE ONLY THING I CARE ABOUT IS FILMING A RIOT, A BURNING COUCH AND A STUNT MAN GETTING HIT IN THE FACE WITH A CINDER BLOCK!

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP ME THEN JUST TELL ME! I WILL STILL GIVE YOU THE $75 AND LET YOU BE IN THE MOVIE, BUT OBVIOUSLY THE PRODUCTION TIME IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUSHED BACK. DON'T BEAT AROUND THE F***IN BUSH!
CAN I BURN YOUR F***IN COUCH OR NOT?

From Karissa to Roger Podacter

im pretty sure you must have missed this email

NO i dont care about ur movie. i dont want my stuff damaged. i rent, and im pretty sure my landlord would be pissed. GO FIND ANOTHER COUCHHHHH

you can take the couch somewhere else if you want and burn it, but not at my house. i dont want any parts of ur movie & dont care about cynder blocks. im pretty sure you were hit with one. i dont know why you dont understand this.

From Roger Podacter to Karissa

Ok Fine, I won't use your couch for the riot scene. There is another scene in the movie where an underprivileged woman gives birth to triplets in an alleyway. I would be willing to re-write the script some so that the triplets could be born on your couch in front of your house instead. This scene has no fire or cinder blocks, but there is a lot of fake blood, an artificial vagina and screaming.
Obviously there would be no risk of damage to your property or your beat car that doesn't even work. Would we be able to shoot this scene today around 5pm?

From Karissa to Roger Podacter

wat the f*** part of i dont want shit to do with your movie dont u understand. there are no alleys around my house. and i will not be home. people like you are the reason i dont put my real name on craigslist

From Roger Podacter to Karissa

OK fine, settle down, you don't have to get rude. Please just give me your real name so that I can name the pregnant lady after you.

From Sharonka (A.K.A. Karissa) to Roger Podacter

its sharonka.

goodbye

Storm Windows

Approximately 24 storm windows. The panes are in good condition. Frames range from good-to-poor condition. You can take what you want and leave the rest. If you need more info, let me know. You will need to pick them up. Location is near S**** High School in O*******.

Roger Podacter	Tue, Jun 23, 2009
To: sale-*************@craigslist.org
Hi, I saw your posting for the 24 storm windows on Craigslist. I am a music major at PITT and I was wondering if I could use some of the windows for my audio engineering class. We need to make a sound effects sample, and I think broken windows would be an interesting subject. Basically I'll just need your address. I can bring my recording equipment over as long as you have an outside power hook-up. Don't worry I have my own extension cords, I just need somewhere to plug in. Just let me know your address and when I can come by to record. Thanks.

Darius is Home from Prison

All Must Go 6/27-9-?? Yard Sale HUGE (A**** P*****)

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Date: 2009-06-24

One day only-9AM until ?? Saturday June 27th - (no early birds, please).HUGE garage sale, something for everyone!! Collectibles, NASCAR diecast, Dishes, Books, End tables, too much to list.

4*** G******* Drive A***** P*****, PA ******* (off W****** Road) Going towards Route ** on W******* make left onto G*********. Off Route ** towards N***** P****easier to make right on R****** and follow all the way around. Look for signs.

From Roger Podacter to sale************@craigslist.org

Hi, I saw your yard sale posting on Craigslist and I am interested. I see you live in Allison Park, I live real close about a 15 minute drive. What I was wondering is if I would be able to bring over some of my wares to sell at your yard sale? My son Darius just got out of prison and we both think its best to get rid of items from his previous life. Most items are guns/weapons, but there are also some decent comic books and an original Atari.
I know you are probably busy preparing for the garage sale and don't have time to check your e-mail, so I'll just stop by on Saturday our things. The more items we have at the garage sale the better. We'll both benefit. Also, if you do get this e-mail before Saturday, could you change the Craigslist listing to mention some of our items that will be available.
Roger

From i**************@yahoo.com to Roger Podacter

Hello Roger;

Thanks for your interest however I do not want to include guns or weapons and I do not want others bringing items-I have too many as it is. Sorry.

From Roger Podacter to i***************@yahoo.com

Ok, I understand your concerns, but each gun is in pristine condition and will have the safety on. I could keep them in a hip holster which I would keep on my person at all times. I would only take them out to show a customer or sell it. And only 80% of our items are guns. Like I said before, there are comic books, an Atari and we also have some vases that were handcrafted by my ex-wife.

Are you sure you don't want more business at your yard sale?

From i***********@yahoo.com to Roger Podacter

I am sure Roger-I do not have enough room for my own things! So please do not bring anything.

From Roger Podacter to i***********@yahoo.com

OK listen, I'll only bring a few comic books and the hand blown vases, but I'll leave the guns in the car. Once you see that the crowd's are larger, I'll just get the guns from the car and we can increase business. But if you're still grouchy and business isn't that great, then I will leave and you can try to sucker some people into buying your junk.

From i**************@yahoo.com to Roger Podacter

I said absolutely NOT!!!
You are being completely rude now do not email or even come to the yard sale!!!

From Roger Podacter to i**********@yahoo.com

I'M RUDE?! I think it boils down to the fact that you feel your yard sale is too good for myself and my "RIFF-RAFF" son!! I bet you that if Sidney Crosby wanted to come to your house and sell 400 pounds of cocaine and a set of razor-blade nunchucks you would roll out the red carpet! I won't come to your yard sale, because its gonna suck!!!! All of your stuff is probably old and you were probably just gonna throw it out in the trash. I am telling everyone I know that your yard sale is gonna be terrible. I wouldn't be surprised if nobody even came!

Even Exchange

Fred is looking to trade his 1995 Ford Escort station wagon valued at $800.

From Roger Podacter to sale*************@craigslist.org

Hi, I see that you are looking to trade your car for something of equal value. Did you have something in mind? Are you looking for another automobile? Goods or services?
Thanks,
Roger

From Fred ********* to Roger Podacter

well i have vehicles so im not really looking for another one i would be interested in off road toys quads bikes trikes street bikes and so forth and i dont need services done for any thing but im am open to suggestions

From Roger Podacter to Fred **********

Well the only car I have to trade is a 1984 Cutlass Supreme, and I just wrecked my son's trike.
I can offer a service you may be interested in. My son Darius and myself are amateur magicians and have performed spectacles of astonishing wonder. Perhaps we could come to your home and entertain you for a few hours? I would accept the car as payment.

From Fred ****** to Roger Podacter

sorry im not that much in to magic shows whats wrong with the trike i could do part cash part trade if the trike isnt wrecked to badly

From Roger Podacter to Fred **********

Fred,
Darius was driving the trike at a magic show we were doing for a family reunion two weekends ago. This was the first time we attempted the trick 100% and Darius was supposed to hit the ramp and go over the pavilion and then disappear into some bushes. Instead he hit the ramp with too little speed and launched himself directly into the roof of the pavilion. He suffered a fractured collarbone and some broken ribs, but unfortunately the bike was totaled.
So you have no interest in a magic show? We don't mind crowds and you could invite as many people as you please. We simply ask that audience members with heart conditions sit towards the back during the flaming box escape trick. Any chance you might change your mind?
-Roger

From Fred ****** to Roger Podacter

sorry to hear the wreck was that bad hope he will be ok i was thinking a roll over handle bars messed up tank and plastic banged up or something like that and sorry but i dont really have any intrest in a show

From Roger Podacter to Fred *******

Fred,
I am not sure you understand just what you would be getting. Our shows are a great value and normally last about 6 hours including costume changes.
We can perform our own tricks or some of your favorites. The music and show structure are completely tailored to your magic tastes.

This is a summary of our most popular package:
4pm Arrival and Introductions
4:15pm - 4:45pm Comedy Routine to warm up the crowd
4:45 - 5:30pm Card Tricks (Usually guessing a card and being within 1 or 2 suites of that card)
5:30 - 6:30 pm Mind Reading (Guessing weights and heights and sometimes ages)
6:30 - 8:30pm Archery Stunts (Usually involving flaming poison tipped arrows which are rocketed into my chest from the accurate eye of Darius *UPON REQUEST A GUEST CAN SUCK OUT THE POISON)
8:30-9pm Darius Snake Charming (Only poisonous snakes are used) (******Up until this point Darius has been holding his breathe***)
9-10pm THE GRAND FINALE (Many options, most customers choose Sawing a full-grown man in half / Jumping a monster truck over your house or escaping a box engulfed in flames inside of a house engulfed in flames (we WILL provide the box)
AND MANY, MANY MORE....

Now that you have an idea of exactly what you're getting I think your tune has changed. Let me know what type of package you want and when you' like to book us.
Thanks,
Roger

Free Mattress Give-Away

Craigslist: Would like the queen bed and box spring posted!

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Date: 2009-06-23

To whoever posted the queen bed and box spring in n***** h*******. I tried replying and it would not go through. I am very interested in this bed and could pick it up anytime. Please contact me back if it is still available and with directions.

Even though I definitely did not post the queen bed and box spring I couldn't resist pretending to be that generous...

From Roger Podacter to sale****************@craigslist.org

Hi, I see you are interested in my queen bed and box spring. I would be more than happy to give it to you for free, but I just need a few questions answered:

What do you plan on using the bed and box spring for?
Do you have pets?
What will you be doing with your current bed?

From Brittany ********* to Roger Podacter

Well I would be using it for my bed because I have a full now and have been looking for a queen. I will be using my full mattress for our guest bedroom. I do not have any pets. Thank you for getting back to me please give me directions and I could pick it up whenever you want.

From Roger Podacter to Brittany *********

Woah, Brittany lets not get ahead of ourselves here. I don't know if you are deserving of this bed or not. First of all, this bed has an extremely close bond to my heart because it is where my wife and I created our son Darius. He is a joy and we love how he has shown a knack for the family business. He's one of the brightest young amateur magicians I've ever taught.
I will definitely miss this bed and box spring, and you are going to have to be OK with me coming over on occassion a few times a year to check up on it and see that you are taking proper care of it. It relieves me some to hear that you are still keeping your old mattress. If possible I'd like for you to send a digital photo of your current mattress so I get an idea of what to expect for my mattress.
Also once Darius was born we never again made love in the bed, and I would expect the same from you. So you might want to keep the twin in your bedroom.
Can you agree 100% to these conditions?

From Brittany ********** to Roger Podacter

You are a wack job forget it.

Craigslist: Slide and Chalkboard isle

Date: 2009-06-23

* A slide (in pretty good shape. Top of slide is slightly cracked, see image, but did not bather my daughter).
* A chalkboard isle (can also hold paper, board need to be glued to base).

In the back alley (called C***** Way), behind 7*** B****** st., *****

First come, first served. I will remove this post when items are taken, so if you see this, the items are still there.

Enjoy!

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Roger Podacter	Tue, Jun 23, 2009
To: sale-**************@craigslist.org
Hi, I don't have a car/truck big enough to haul the children's slide and chalkboard that you are advertising on Craigslist, but I was wondering if I could bring by my son Darius so he could play on it for a few hours while I go tanning a few blocks away? Thanks

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I*****	Tue, Jun 23, 2009
To: Roger Podacter
apparently they were already taken, within 5 minutes... thanks, i*****

Roger Podacter	Tue, Jun 23, 2009
To: I*****
Do you have any idea who took it and what they were planning on doing with it? I***** Tue, Jun 23, 2009 To: Roger Podacter no, I have no idea. All I know is that it disappeared... Roger Podacter Tue, Jun 23, 2009 To: I****** Well what is Darius supposed to do while I am tanning?!???????

Toshiba Laptop and Dell Desktop

Some clown was trying to trade his 2 laptops for goods or services on Craigslist. I proposed him a star studded deal.

E-MAIL THREAD:

Roger Podacter	Tue, Jun 23, 2009
To: sal****************@craigslist.org
Hi, I saw you are looking to trade your laptops for something of equal value. Do you have a yard at your residence?

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Jacob	Tue, Jun 23, 2009
To: Roger Podacter
Yeah, about 3 acres. Jake Roger Podacter Tue, Jun 23, 2009 To: Jacob *********** Perfect. Here is what I am proposing. This Saturday you invite over 50 of your closest friends and relatives to your house. Around 2pm myself and my son Darius will arrive with our truck and gear. Make sure you and your guests bring plenty of seating, because for next 4 and half hours you will be wow'd and entertained with a spectacular motocross stunt show performed by my son Darius and myself. We have been practicing stunt drivers since 2006 and have performed over 4 shows. Of course you would have to provide food and alcohol, but we would supply the WOW-FACTOR and some laughs. In between stunts my son Darius would entertain your guests with magic tricks and Mel Gibson impressions. All of the stunts eventually build up to the grand finale of myself or Darius (the crowd's choice) jumping a 1984 Cutless over your house. Obviously, you would be responsible for building the ramp and any damage to your house or lawn. Normally for this type of show we charge around $2,000, but I would be willing to take the laptops. We would also require a dressing room. All guests would be required to sign a Liability Waiver. Let me know, Roger Jacob ********** Tue, Jun 23, 2009 To: Roger Podacter That sounds great, but I would not be interested in anything like that. Thanks though and good luck Jake Roger Podacter Tue, Jun 23, 2009 To: Jacob ****** You aren't interested in the show of a lifetime??? Jacob ****** Tue, Jun 23, 2009 To: Roger Podacter Not really. Thanks though Jake Roger Podacter Tue, Jun 23, 2009 To: Jacob OK fine, I will also bring my nephew Jeffrey. He can cut your grass.

Craigslist: 1987 BMW 325i

Date: 2009-06-20, 11:52PM EDT

1987 BMW 325i four door, daily driver good on gas , new tires, brakes, and half shafts......inspected till Sept 2009, looking to trade for backhoe, trackloader

E-MAIL THREAD:

Roger Podacter	Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 2:52 PM
To: sale************@craigslist.org
Good afternoon, I see that you are looking to trade your BMW for a backhoe or something of equal value. Unfortunately, I don't have a backhoe. I would think the car's current value is around $2,500. Being that its so valuable I am willing to offer you a fair trade where we can help each other out. This is what I am proposing: 1. You open up your house to my son, myself and 50 of our closest friends. 2. You provide a meal (chicken or beef) and alcohol for every guest in attendance. 3. You construct a small stage in your yard/deck/basement. Once these 3 steps have been completed you can rest easy because your work is done. For the next 5 hours my son and I will entertain you and our guests with an evening of Magic and Comedy. Possible tricks/stunts include: 1. Card Tricks 2. Mind Reading 3. My son holding his breath for 3 hours 4. Sawing a full-grown man in half 5. Jumping a monster truck over your house. 6. Escaping a box engulfed in flames inside of a house engulfed in flames (we WILL provide the box) AND MANY, MANY MORE.... At the conclusion of the evening we will waive our standard fee of $2,500 and simply accept your BMW 352i as payment. We are willing to negoitate depending on what tricks are your favorite or if you'd rather provide vegetarian meals. Look forward to seeing the car, Roger

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C*********	Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 3:01 PM
To: Roger Podacter
Clearly you are a moron.

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Roger Podacter	Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 3:32 PM
To: C**************
Clearly, you have no idea when an offer of a lifetime smacks you right in the face. Your car looks like it is going to implode any minute, on the other hand, my son's magic career is ready to explode. If you really aren't satisfied with that offer, I am willing to increase our performance time to 6 hours, but this would require you to provide a dessert for each guest. Let me know. C********* <********@gmail.com> Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 8:52 PM To: Roger Podacter get the f*** out of here you crackhead.....

Craigslist: Person Needed to Wear Mascot Costume (Pittsburgh Zoo)

Date: 2009-06-19, 10:43AM EDT

Fun, energetic person needed to represent the Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium at events throughout the community. Qualified applicants must be able to wear a mascot costumer and interact with crowds at several different types of venues. Must be at least 18 years of age, have a valid PA drivers license, and be able drive to events within a 100-mile radius.

• Location: Pittsburgh Zoo
• Compensation: $8 per hour plus mileage reimbursement

E-MAIL THREAD:

Roger Podacter	Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 1:50 PM
To: job*************@craigslist.org
Good Afternoon, My name is Roger Podacter and I recently came across your job posting for the mascot position at the Pittsburgh Zoo. I recently left my previous employer to pursue more interesting endeavors. My previous work experience was at Lockheed Martin in Fort Worth, TX and at UPMC Pittsburgh right here in town. During my 33 years of employment at Lockheed Martin I was mainly involved in our defense division where I designed surface-to-air missile defense systems which were sold to the U.S. Armed Forces. The nature of my work exposed me to SolidWorks, Auto CAD, ProE and CATIA systems. I feel this area of experience will greatly benefit myself if I were employed as a mascot at your Pittsburgh Zoo. I would easily be able to make custom modifications to the costume which would enable me to propel myself through crowds using a small rocket pack or boosters. Also, depending on the width of the costumes sleeves I may be able to rig up some custom flamethrowers to dazzle the crowds. Since I was a young boy I've always had an interest in lions and it would really be a dream of mine to pretend to be one and get paid. I have produced four sample DVDs of myself in full lion costume performing various tricks. I am also a bit of an amateur magician/wizard, and my experience as a wizard has given me the following skills: - Ballon animals - Card Tricks - Simple mind reading - Weight guessing - Age guessing - Virginity guessing - Hiding stuff under cups and moving them rapidly - Pogo tricks - Casting spells - Simple sorcery - Fire breathing - I am also a certified orange belt in the event of a customer uprising or terroristic attack I also have a strong bond and love for animals. Once I am hired I would have no reservations what so ever about bringing in my 16 foot Burmese python named Tom Hanks Jr. He is very tame and loves children. I also have 3 dogs, 2 cats and usually around 20 hamsters depending on Tom Hanks Jr's feeding schedule. Despite my age, I think you see that I am more than qualified to meet the demands of your mascot position. My interest level in the position is extremely high, and I am sure that yours has peaked as well. Please contact me via e-mail so we can set-up the starting time for my first day and talk about how much I'm going to be paid. All e-mails are forwarded directly to my beeper so I will contact you once you have decided to hire me. I look forward to working with you, Roger Podacter

Craigslist: Maintenance

Date: 2009-06-22, 1:45PM EDT

L*********** based real estate management company looking for individual skilled in all aspects of property maintenance. Must have own tools and transportation. Must be willing to work as an independent contractor. Prior experience a plus.

• Location: L*************
• Compensation: depending on experience

E-MAIL THREAD:

Roger Podacter	Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 2:17 PM
To: job************@craigslist.org
To Whom it May Concern: I just recently saw your Craigslist posting looking for an individual to do maintenance work at your Real Estate office. With the economy being the way it is I am very interested in earning some extra income, but I gotta shoot you straight. I have no prior experience doing any handyman work and I really don't like to do maintenance to my own apartment. But, I do have a strong desire to earn money and $2000 worth of DJ equipment. I used to DJ birthday parties with my nephew in the mid 90s and I still have all the equipment. I have a positive attitude and an insatiable appetite to pump house music. For $40/hr (negotiable), I would be willing to entertain your office 3 days a week, with the latest hits from the 70s, 80s and from 1990 to 1993. The $40/hr would be my base compensation and would not include health care, stock options, a company van or a zany sidekick assistant. I did some research and found that nearly 95% of Real Estate offices DO NOT have an in-house DJ. Hiring me would propel your Real Estate company ahead of the rest. If you look at every successful company the one common theme is that they were always one step ahead of the competition. Wal-Mart would not be where it is today if they weren't the first store to think to use a cash register. Innovation drives success. If you require references or a resume please don't hesitate to contact me. I'd also like to set-up a time to sit down with your team to get an idea of their musical tastes and scope out the best spots for my strobe lights. This is a one-time offer and I expect a response soon, I already have appointments lined up with The Pantalone Family Funeral Home, Fantastic Sam's and Gerginov Family Dentistry. I look forward to working with you, Roger

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Ron ******	Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 3:09 PM
To: Roger Podacter
Funny... good one. No, I think we are good here.

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Roger Podacter	Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 3:37 PM
To: Ron ******
Ron, Good to hear from you so soon. I figured you would be interested but hesitant to arrange a meeting. Just let me know if you ever change your mind and want to have a successful company. Sincerely, Roger

Craigslist: CURB ALERT----FREE COUCH (C******)

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Date: 2009-06-18, 10:11PM EDT


I have a dark maroon couch sitting in my front yard. The two ends are recliners and the center piece does flip down to a table. The couch is about 5 yrs old with wear and tear from kids. The down side to the free part is I had a dog pee on the couch and I do not know how to clean it. So if you want it come and take it no questions asked. I did break it down into pieces so it is easy to go and I do have all the hardware. You load and hual. Address is ** ****** Rd. Pgh PA 15205
COUCH ONLY NOT LOVE SEAT

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Re: Couch
6 messages

Hi I am interested in your couch, but I am just wondering what kind of dog urinated on it? Also, you say the couch has been sitting in your front yard. How long has it been sitting there?
Thanks,
Roger

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***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com>	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 9:57 AM
To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com
Sorry some one took it over night, Thanks N*****

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Roger Podacter	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 9:59 AM
To: ***************@aol.com
Who took it?

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***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com>	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:00 AM
To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com
Not sure it was gone when I woke up this morning

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Roger Podacter	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:05 AM
To: ***************@aol.com
Just so you know, I was the one who took the couch. For YOUR own safety. I am not sure if you're aware just how lucky you are to be alive right now. That couch was soaked in urine; and leaving it outside without a sniper present was the dumbest thing you could do. Bears are attracted to the scent of urine and can smell one drop of urine from almost 5 miles. When I read the Craigslist ad last night at 3am I immediately drove to your house and picked it up. I took it to a remote location in the Allegheny Forest and set it ablaze so no one would be killed. I cannot believe that you are breathing right now. Next time be more careful.

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***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com>	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:09 AM
To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com
GO SEE A F***ING SHRINK YOU NEED SOME MAJOR HELP!!!!!!

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Roger Podacter	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:11 AM
To: ***************@aol.com
A simple THANK YOU would have been nice. A bear may have followed the scent to the area, so you're not out of the woods yet honey. ***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com> Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:15 AM To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com YOU F***IN A**HOLE, I HELPED THE GUY LOAD THEM THIS MORNING, THIS IS THE HUSBAND, IF YOU CARE TO MEET AND SETTLE THIS LIKE MEN. ANOTHER WAYS LEAVE MY F***ING WIFE ALONE. Roger Podacter Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:20 AM To: ***************@aol.com I appreciated your help and I thanked you for it, but I still think you owe me at least a simple thank you for saving your lives from bears. Also, I think you know owe me an apology as well for your abrasive e-mails. If you feel an apology and thank you are too much to ask, then I will also accept gift certificates to the Olive Garden.
***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com>	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:26 AM
To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com
I GOT A GIFT CARD FOR YOU, WHERE CAN WE MEET SO I CAN GIVE IT TO YOU.

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Roger Podacter	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:29 AM
To: ***************@aol.com
How much is it for?

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***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com>	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:30 AM
To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com
$100.00

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Roger Podacter	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:32 AM
To: ***************@aol.com
Are you going to give me the $100 gift card? Or are you just going to fight me?

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***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com>	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:38 AM
To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com
I have to run out soon but I have to stop to pick up my pay checkat noon. So if you want to meet me at the BP down in Carnegie at noon that would be great I will ever leave my husband at home with the kids. So NO FIGHTING Thank you N*****

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Roger Podacter	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 10:58 AM
To: ***************@aol.com
No, I want you to bring your husband and your kids. I want them to know the man that saved the entire family from a bear mauling. Also, I am changing the meeting time and place so that there are no cops. YOU MEET ME AT 1 O'CLOCK JACK PARKMAN MEMORIAL FIELD in Homestead, if you need directions then your entire life is a joke. NO COPS!!!! If I see so much as a Meter Maid, THE DEAL IS OFF!

***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com>	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 11:05 AM
To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com
Ok we have a problem I dont drive and it is also past 10 am I will be at the bp in carnegie picking up my pay check at noon I got to catch the bus in about 20 min i also have a walmart gift card for $50 so i can bring that too if you want it

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Roger Podacter	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 11:12 AM
To: ***************@aol.com
OK, well I can just come by your place to pick up the gift cards. I am bringing two of my friends named Jeff and Davis, so your husband won't try any funny business. Jeff used to play football in high school and Davis has a criminal record because he has a DUI. I am not a fighter, so if your husband does try anything at all, you can bet that you guys will have pieces of raw meat scattered around your lawn for the next 2 months. If the urine soaked couch didn't attract the bears, then the raw meat will! I was hoping I that it didn't have to come to this, but all I ever really wanted was to help and maybe get a gift card. You both are quite rude and have shown no appreciation at all. I can only hope that your children have a good grandparent or aunt who can teach them how to be respectful.

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***************@aol.com <***************@aol.com>	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 11:27 AM
To: rogerpodacter66@gmail.com
LOOK A**HOLE THERE IS NO GIFT CARD, BUT WHAT I DO HAVE WILL SPRAY YOU JEFF AND DAVID WITH MORE BULLETS THEN YOU KNOW WHAT DO WITH. END GAME. IF YOU DO E-MAIL ME BACK I WILL FORWARD TO THE PITTSBURGH POLICE AND THE F.B.I. YOU ARE USING THE NET TRYING TO GET SOMETHING BY LYING AND CHEATING PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO HELP OUT OTHERS. SO GO AHEAD A**HOLE 1st. SHOW UP HERE, 2nd. WRITE BACK. AND I WILL BE POSTING ALL OF THESE ON CRAIGS LIST, AND I DON'T THINK ANYONE WILL BE DEALING WITH YOU ANY MORE. GOOD BYE AND HAVE A NICE LIFE

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Roger Podacter	Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 11:28 AM
To: ***************@aol.com
N*****, I must apologize. I am NOT the man that picked up the couch at your house. At no point during your ownership of the couch were you or your family in danger of a bear attack. My name is actually Fred Savage, and I was the actor who played Kevin Arnold on the Wonder Years. Recently, I got my Private Eye’s license and have been working cases. My client, who I cannot name, hired me to find out who stole his couch. I have been investigating all recent sales of couches on Craigslist and in the Post Gazette. Once again, I apologize for my awkward emails, but it was necessary for the investigation. I have now ruled yourself and your husband OUT as possible suspects. In the event that I do find the suspect, would you be available as a witness? Thank you, Ben Savage P.I. P.S. If you really do have the $100 Olive Garden gift card and are willing to give it up, I am definitely interested.