Puppies!

From Roger to Amy

Hi I saw you are selling golden retriever puppies and I definitely would like to get my "paws" on them. ;)  I just know my son Darius would love to come downstairs one morning and find a cute little puppy sleeping on our kitchen island.
How much do you want for one?
 -Roger "Paw"dacter

From Amy to Roger

I am asking $400.00
let me know if you are interested and will send pics
Amy

From Roger to Amy

Amy,
Would it be possible to have one of the dogs this Saturday afternoon?
Thanks,
Roger

From Amy to Roger

Roger...They go to the vet on Saturday for the rest of the shots and wormed. Will check with the vet. What are you looking for?  male or female?

From Roger to Amy

Thanks for getting back to me Amy, actually I don't really have a preference as far as sex goes.
I only have one request really.  I'm a 43 yr old single father of one beautiful boy, and I'm trying to find a mother for that boy.
Last month I joined a Zumba class in order to meet women.  My first night there I met a 23 year old who works in Mount Lebanon named Lindsey. I didn't actually realize how strenuous and difficult Zumba really is, and I doubt I can make it much further.  The first night, I perspired nearly a gallon of sweat, and I was so sore I missed work the next three days. But I haven't actually talked to Lindsey yet, besides asking to borrow her headband.
This leads me to you.  No, I'm not talking about dating you! I hardly know you.  But I think if you could let me "borrow" one of your puppies for Saturday's Zumba class, I could really impress her.  After the class I would have no need for the dog, unless Lindsey decides she wants to date me.
So I would definitely need a dog for Saturday. But I might possibly purchase the dog since Lindsey would be expecting me to own it beyond Saturday.  I couldn't just lie and say it got hit by a car, she would think I am an irresponsible person.
Would it be possible to give you say 25% of the cost on Saturday morning, and then if Lindsey is going to date me, I can give you the other 75%.  Obviously, if she doesn't talk to me, then I would just return the dog to you Saturday after Zumba, and get back my 25%.
I know you may think I am a weirdo. Do you want me to just call you tonight so I can explain more?
Thanks,
Roger

From Amy to Roger

You are insane and should not own any pets! god help your son

From Roger to Amy

I expected you to play hard ball, so I am willing to offer you $800 for the dog.  Obviously I would get this money back if Lindsey is not interested in me.

From Amy to Roger

i dont care if you offered a million. you are not getting one of the dogs whacko!

From Roger to Amy

Ok obviously you are hesitant to lend me one of the dogs in order to help my son have a better childhood.  I have thought of another plan that will not require you to lend me a puppy.
On Saturday you will drive to my Zumba class in Scottdale along with the puppies.  Towards the end of the Zumba class you will enter the dance studio with the puppies and motion for me to come over.
I will leave the class and we will pretend like we are talking (make sure Lindsey sees this).  At this point I will pay you $40 and you can leave with the dogs. 
I will then return to the class crying.  Lindsey will ask me what is wrong and I will inform her that you were just struck by a drunk driver in the parking lot and killed.  She will obviously feel bad for me and try to comfort my aching heart.  At this point I will ask her to come to Dairy Queen with me.
After that we will most likely begin dating and eventually get married.
Obviously I would need your full name and some general information about yourself in order to write up a fake obituary to make her believe the story.
I am willing to negotiate on the $40 fee.
-Roger

From Amy to Roger

**** YOU.