Portable Toilet

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Hi. I saw your ad for the adult portable toilet. How much are you looking to get for it?
I was wondering how strong it is or how much weight it can hold?
Also, what is relative capacity of the toilet?
I am moving across country to Sacremento and I'm taking my dad with me. I have a large Astro van which we'll most likely be living out of for the next 2 weeks.
Thanks,
Roger

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

Im asking $25cash. I dont know for sure but it looks to be strong it has a metal adjustable frame to it doesnt look to be cheap made

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Thanks for the response, I am just apprehensive about purchasing this toilet if it won't be able to handle his 250 pound frame. My father is quite a load and he produces quite a load... The main reason we need this portable toilet is because he suffers from colitis and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and I don't feel like pulling over every 20 minutes during a cross-country trek. Basically anytime he has a meal or has been sitting for more than 30 minutes his body produces insane amounts of gas which can be quite cumbersome on his colon and the nostrils of those around him.
I plan on simply removing my passenger seat and replacing it with your portable toilet. It would be much more comfortable for myself and for my father. The only thing I need to know from you is if I would somehow be able to rig the seat belt up to it. The last thing I would want is for myself to round a bend and hit a deer at 60mph, launching my father and the projections of his colon through the windshield.
Basically, I just need to be reassured that this toilet will be able to handle my father.
FROM: Roger TO: Drew

Any chance I could possible get the toilet sometime this week? I am moving Friday and I have to pick up my dad on Thursday because I didn't pay for this month's fees at his retirement home.
Also, what are you looking to get for the toilet? I could just give you the $25 or we could make a trade?
Thanks

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

Asking $25 And you can come get it anytime, Where are you located

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Thanks for getting back to me so soon. I have no problem paying you $25 to ensure that my van's interior stays dry and white.
The only snag is that my brother Carl was going to be helping me load my dad into my van for the trip, and now he can't. Because of a restraining order, he's not allowed within 100 yards of his ex-girlfriend who lives at the old folks home. Yeah, I know its really weird, but he is into older women, but they she dumped him because he hit her in the face with a rake.

So basically I need someone to help load my dad into the back of my van. It would only take about 2-3 hours and we'd mostly be wheeling him from his room to the parking lot, then carrying him from his bed into a hammock I rigged up in the back of my van. He's been bed-ridden for about 5 weeks, so we'd just have to be careful lifting him to ensure we don't tear open his bed sores.

I live in Castle Shannon, but the old folks home is in Mount Pleasant. I'd be willing to pay you $20 more, so that bumps the total package up to $45. What hours are you normally available? The sooner we can pick him up the better, because they have been calling me non-stop about paying his bill for this month. I am available anytime as I am currently unemployed. Just e-mail me your number soon so I can call you, it'll be easier to set-up times.

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

Sorry nothing I can do to help

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

I had a feeling you wouldn't be interested at first. Luckily I talked with my dad and worked something out. After my mother died, my father revealed to my brother and me a small shelter beneath the front porch where he hid various valuables, in case mom ever left him from Juan Luis (a young puerto rican neighbor of my parents since 88).
I am willing to offer you the $45 as well as an opportunity to select 3 items from my father's hidden items. The items are mostly in great condition from being stored so well. They range from a Playboy collection 1980-84 (missing 81-83) and several reels of family film. One of which contains the birth of my brother or myself, my dad couldn't remember. There are also some fireworks and a case of beer.
Obviously these items may not seem valuable to you, so just in case I am willing to offer you $10 more. This bring the total payment for the toilet to $55.
I know it may seem like I am giving up a lot just for a stupid toilet, but I really need this thing and a hand loading my dad into the van.
Please let me know

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Sorry I told you I cant I have arthritis

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Oh, I'm sorry to hear you have arthritis, but I don't see why you can't help me out.
Surely you have a friend or someone who could help me, and I need that toilet. My dad has to be out of the home by 3:30pm on Thursday! I am willing to pay you $50 for the toilet, and then $15 to whoever will be helping load my dad.
THAT'S $65 FOR A TOILET!

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

Listen, I definitely don't want to help "load" your smelly old dad into your van. And I doubt you will find anyone that will for the money you are offering. I like to help people too but I'm not a charity.
I will sell you the toilet for $25 and thats it. PLEASE DO NOT E-MAIL ME IF YOU AREN'T INTERESTED IN JUST BUYING IT FOR $25.

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Alright, I think I have worked out the details. My cousin Randall just won a huge settlement after he found a finger in his soup at Eat n' Park. He used some of the money to buy a house in Stuebenville, OH, and he hired a moving company to take all his stuff there. He thinks there will be enough room to fit my dad. This way you would never have to help me move my dad from his home.
Unfortunately I'll be helping Randall all week until I leave, so I can't travel too far to meet you. Would you be able to meet me somewhere?

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

i'd be willing to meet you anywhere within 25 minutes of Baldwin. when do you have to leave?

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Drew, let's just meet at the **************** Retirement Community in Mount Pleasant at 3:30pm tomorrow. I'll bring the $25 and you should bring the toilet and comfortable sneakers. Maybe a dolly and some lifting straps too, I'm not sure how heavy that toilet is and you might need a hand unloading it.
I'll cya then !

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

I am not helping to load your father! Go to hell!!!