Position: Picker Needed

Thu, Oct 8 Roger Podacter:

Good morning,
I saw your Picker position posted on-line, and I was just curious what exactly I would be "picking"?
I am 44 years old, strong as a full grown eagle and have a clean bill of health. I don't drink or smoke meth and I rarely eat out.
Thanks in advance,
Roger

Wed, Oct 14 Linda:

Roger, you would be picking mushrooms. Please give me a call @ 412-***-****.
Thank you,
Linda **********


Fri, Oct 16 Roger Podacter:
Thank you for your response. My previous experience as a picker has only been with corn and one season of apples.
Would this experience be enough to be considered for the position?
Should I send my resume to this e-mail address?
I can't call you right now because my dumb dad used all the month's minutes on our Cricket plan. I do have 3 texts left, so I could text you my resume. Would that work?
Thank you,
Roger

Mon, Oct 19 Linda:

Yes your experience would be fine, but we have had a change in orders. This is not an immediate need at the moment.
You can still send your resume because we have other companies we supply, but please just e-mail it.
Thanks, Linda

Mon, Oct 19 Roger Podacter:

Linda,
Great to hear back from you. I just came inside to take a break from my flock and I was delighted to find your e-mail.
I am somewhat disappointed to see that the picker position is no longer available, but I am excited by your mention of future opportunities.

Here is some basic information about myself:

Name: Roger Podacter
Age: 44
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 198lbs

Current Employment: I have been my own boss for the last 6 months and I am responsible for over 100 employees. I am currently a shepherd in Cambria County Pennsylvania and I tend to a flock of 96 sheep and 5 llamas. I have excellent leadership skills and have only lost one ewe to an animal attack. One evening I biked into town to get some cereal, and when I returned I encountered a full grown bear mauling a 2 year old named Jazzy. This job has given me experience riding horses, mules and llamas. I also am quite handy with a staff and hunting knife.

Previous Employment:
(November 10, 2008 - February 15, 2009)
Last Winter I was employed by Picko's Video Rentals/Veterinary Services located in Nanty Glo, PA. My job mostly required me to ensure tapes were rewound, movies made their way to the correct genre and that all dogs/cats were completely neutered/spayed. I was laid off/fired when my dad got tuberculosis and I was unable to get a ride to work.
During this time I joined a pyramid scheme and was quickly promoted to leader. Later on it became apparent that I was not leader, and I lost over $15,000.

(October 7, 2008 - October 7, 2008)
Happy Hills Day Care
I worked as a day care assistant / activities co-coordinator for around 2 hours in October. I was laid off near the beginning of my employment because of a paperwork foul-up on their part. I forgot to disclose my status as a Registered Sex-Offender, but they never even asked in the interview. Most of my experience here was meeting my boss and viewing an orientation video.

(July 4, 2005 - August 28, 2008)
I spent just over 3 years as a fashion designer / stylist for Jiggensmith Funeral home in Detroit, MI. My responsibilities included: styling hair, making glass eyes (hand blown), ironing shirts and covering stab wounds with patches or flowers . Sometimes I would be required to take "decent looking" parts from closed caskets and replace "poor parts" on open casket bodies, you'd be surprised how many families never check for four limbs in the closed caskets of relatives.

The only restrictions that I have on employment is that I cannot work with children or within 100 yards of a school or daycare center. Also I have no reliable means of transportation so someone would have to pick me up or be a work from home or "pyramid scheme" type deal.

I look forward to hearing from you,
Roger