Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Fan Submission: Clyde's Restaurant

Clyde's Restaurant
What they sell: Male Sexual Enhancers
Date: April 13, 2009
Submitted By: B.R.


I just recently brought my family to your fine establishment, and I have to say that I’ve never, ever had a dining experience as flawless as yours. The food, the staff the atmosphere, everything was beautiful and fantastic and fabulous and unforgettable. I don’t know if your waitress, Shyllandra might remember me, but I had the humungous goiter sticking out of my neck. In fact, I should go on to say that I think your restaurant might have saved my marriage.

For years, my wife and I had been arguing over where to eat dinner. I liked Olive Garden (referred to as “OG”) and she liked Red Lobster (referred to as “RL”). However, those well known establishments don’t hold a candle to your franchise. Everyone here in the trailer park where I reside couldn’t believe that there were places even fancier than the aforementioned eateries; I daresay that I about started a riot at the laundromat when I dutifully declared that “Old Country Buffet is Dead! Long live Clydes!” Clyde’s = RL + OG times ten!

Back to marriage, I couldn’t being to tell you how many times my wife started screaming at me and calling me a worthless chump that could barely manage a gas station whenever I talked about dining at OG. Bad enough that she would take me to her family reunions and then have everyone laugh at me and my physical condition. But that’s okay, because I’d get even with her by throwing fire ants all over her while she slept in our very comfortable Kingsize waterbed that we got from the rent-to-own store down the street. Only paid about $45 week for 18 months, and now we OWN it! The fire ants would bite the hell outta me as well, but you know, it was worth it to see her suffer. I hated her so damn much I could scream sometimes.

Clyde’s however, changed all of that. For the first time in my life, we are both happy. You know what could make that place even better, though? Clowns. Clowns make everything really damn better. I’ve hired them for parties, graduations and funerals and I just can’t tell you how much a memorial service lights up when Happy the Clown busts in with his water lilly joke and crazy clown hair. Thank you Clydes. Thank you for everything.


Dined Recently? Yes
Restaurant: Clyde's of Gallery Place
Experience: Awesome
Food: Awesome
Service: Awesome
Value: Awesome

Clyde's Response:
From: Amy B
Sent: Tuesday, April 14, 2009 10:03 AM
To: Amy B; Bart F; Claude; Ginger; Jeff; JohnG; Maureen H; Michael K; Nancy; Sally D; Shane M; Tom M; Victoria G; Andre J; Angela K; Charles I; David M; Egbert F; Jacques T; Joaquin M; Kenny C; Koli Z; Luke P; maggie n; Paul M; Paul W; Richard H; Santos V; Scott F; Steve H; Teri O; Tim G

I think this friend might be “clowning” us. Still counts as a positive comment, though!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul, please respond.


From: Paul W
Subject: RE: Feedback FLAWLESS EXPERIENCE!! To: stooge4***** Date: Wednesday, April 15, 2009, 6:28 AM
Dear Valued Customer,
Thanks for letting us know of your good time here. Reading your letter was a great way to start our day. We appreciate you taking the time to write to us. We look forward to serving you again soon.
Paul W
General Manager
Clyde's of Gallery Place

No comments:

Post a Comment