HALLOWEEN SPOOK-TACULAR

Roger Podacter
To: Chuck E. Cares

Good Afternoon,
I was just curious if it would be possible to hold my son Darius's Halloween party at your Monroeville Chuckie Cheese this coming Saturday.
I see that your web-site accommodates "Birthday" party reservations, but this does not fall under that category. I just need to know if you'd be capable of hosting an event like this.
Thank you,
Roger

Chuck E. Cares
To: Roger Podacter

Dear Guest:

You are more than welcome to do a Walk In party where the seating is unreserved and on a first come first serve basis and order from the menu. Otherwise, the only parties we hold on the weekends are for Birthdays.

Thank you for choosing Chuck E. Cheese's and have a MAGICAL day!

Sincerely,
Cares

Roger Podacter
To: Chuck E. Cares

Thanks for replying to my email so quickly. I am just making sure it would be OK to host Darius and his friends for a Halloween party. He is 7, and so excited about Halloween this year. He's at that age where he wants it to be really scary. Being a single father, I just want to make sure this year is special for him.
Basically here are my ideas for the party, and I just want to make sure Chuckie Cheese is ok with them:
We arrive around 5pm in full costume. I will be dressed as a kitten and ready to purr. First thing we'll feed all the kids some pizza and pop, Darius has invited 60 classmates. After eating I'll let the kids go to town on the games by purchasing $30 worth of tokens for each kid. Mid-way through their playing, I plan on really getting the Halloween spooks going.
I will need the help of the Chuckie Cheese manager on duty, because at 7pm we plan on killing all the lights. A slow thumping kick drum rolls like a train as the children scramble around in the darkness (I will be playing the drum). Thick fog fills the restaurant as one of your employees releases a bag of live bats I have brought into the store (they are all tame). Next my brother-in-law Gerry bursts into the restaurant with his face covered in blood (fake) and his arms wielding a gas-powered chainsaw (real). He quickly saws a few bats in two and performs several chain saw stunts on the Chuckie Cheese band stage. As Gerry is finishing up, my best friend Dewayne Neederlander who is an amateur stunt man, will go streaking through your restaurant fully engulfed in flames.
After this, the lights will come back on and the children will bob for apples in an apple cider barrel near the ball pit. Then I will perform a fake-exorcism on one of the children, give treat bags and send the kids packing with their parents.
I understand that you say Chuckie Cheese is first-come first serve, but I just wanted to make sure you were aware of some of the party activities I had planned. What time does your restaurant close on Saturdays? I planned on really scaring one of the kids by "accidentally" leaving him in the restaurant after closing.
-Roger

Chuck E. Cares
To: Roger Podacter

Dear Guest:
Unfortunately, this is totally unacceptable and you will not be allowed to hold a party in chuckecheese of this nature.

Roger Podacter
To: Chuck E. Cares

Cares,
I have to say I am a little disappointed by your response. I was under the impression that Chuckie Cheese had an open-door policy for parties. I am just curious as to why I would not be able to host my son Darius's Halloween party at your Monroeville restaurant?
I am willing to make changes as needed, I am just a single dad trying his best to make his son's Halloween a memorable one.
I look forward to your response.

Chuck E. Cares
To: Roger Podacter

Dear Guest:

You are more than welcome to have your Halloween party for your son. The children are welcome to dress in costume & you can hand out your treat bags. Unfortunately, adults are not able to dress up and there is no outside entertainment allowed.
You would not be able to do any of the scary events as you listed in your previous message. We are open to the public and have to consider everyone. That is why we do not allow outside entertainment. Any party you choose to have would have to be under Chuck E. Cheese guidelines.


Roger Podacter
To: Chuck E. Cares

Thank you for your quick response once again. I appreciate the great customer service I have received so far, and I feel we are on our way to ironing out all the details of Darius's halloween party. I understand that you don't want to allow outside entertainment, because you already offer a full stage band with Chuckie and his All-Stars. My brother-in-law Gerry is not an entertainer, he actually is a car salesman/pediatrician. But, I will tell him to leave the chainsaw and costume at home. And obviously Dewayne is an amateur stuntman who is capable of performing stunts at any time, so he is kind of outside entertainment. Does this mean he is not permitted to come at all?
The one thing I don't understand is that you don't allow adults to dress up. Darius is going as a tabby cat and I was going to be his Tabby baby brother. There's no exception you can make? If not, I am willing to simply wear a small hat and leotards and go as Peter Pan. This way if any of your other customers are offended I can easily remove the hat and appear to be in street clothes.
Ok, I think we both agree that the fog machine and chainsaw are unreasonable, but what about the mock exorcism?
Also, would it be possible for one of your employees to kill the lights momentarily so I can screech loudly to create a spooky effect? This wouldn't be for just my party, but I'm sure the other guests would appreciate the scare because of the season.
Thank you.


Chuck E. Cares
To: Roger Podacter

Dear Guest:

In regards to your notation...We apologize for the inconvenience but we are unable to meet your requests. We have a strict policy of no adults in any costumes. Your friend who is an entertainer is permitted in the restaurant, but he is at no time permitted to perform any "stunts".

If you would like to discuss this matter further please provide us with your telephone number so we may have our legal department contact you.

Any further e-mails will be forwarded to our legal department for processing and documentation.

Pog Collectors

Wed 4:45pm
FROM: Roger Podacter
TO: Marc

Hi, I see you are giving away your pog collection on Craigslist for free. I am an avid collector myself and was quite surprised when I noticed you were giving away your collection which you say includes Disney, Charlie Brown, X-men, Burger King, Power Ranger, Gargoyle, Cookie Crisp, Jurassic Park, a saw blade shaped slammer and various other pogs.
I am definitely interested and would be willing to take them off your hands for you.
Let me know where you are located so I can pick them up tonight.

Wed 5:02 pm
FROM: Dewayne Neederlander
TO: Marc

I saw your pogs on-line. What is the year of the saw blade shaped slammer? Is it older than 1995? I am definitely interested, what is your location?
-D-WAY

Wed 6:14 pm
FROM: Marc (Seller)
TO: Roger

hello i had another person email me but u were the first. i am located at **********************. I won't be home tonight, but you could stop over anytime after 5pm tomorrow.
call me ***-***-*****

Wed 6:20pm
FROM: Marc (seller)
TO: Dewayne

sorry someone else already emailed me before you about the pogs.
thanks
Wed 6:50pm
FROM: Dewayne
TO: Marc (seller)

Marc, I will give you $40 for your collection if the saw blade slammer is older than 1996.
-D-WAY

Wed 7:20pm
FROM: Roger
TO: Marc (seller)

Great! That is great news Marc, thanks a lot for helping me out. My son Darius and I have been collecting pogs together since he first got sick when he was 4. His health has had ups and downs the past 6 years, but the our bond with pogs has kept us together.
I'll call you after work tomorrow and I can pick them up. I'll also bringing a picture that Darius drew since he won't be able to make it out of the hospital for tomorrow.
CYA THEN :)

Wed 8:03pm
FROM: Marc (seller)
TO: Dewayne
$40? why do u want to pay $40 for pogs? the slammer says 1995 but i dont get why it matters. are you serious?

Wed 8:10pm
FROM: Dewayne
TO: Marc (seller)

I am dead serious. $40. You have until midnight.

Wed 8:30pm
FROM: Marc (seller)
TO: Roger

Roger,
Its nice to hear about you and your son and I hope he gets better. But I made a mistake and I didn't see that another email came in before yours. And he offered me $40.
I'm real sorry, but I think I have to take it to be fair to him.
Thanks for understanding.

Wed 8:45pm
FROM: Marc (seller)
TO: Dewayne

I'll definitely sell you the collection for $40. i am located at **********************. You can stop over anytime after 5pm tomorrow.
call me ***-***-*****

Wed 10:03pm
FROM: Roger
TO: Marc (seller)
$40!? Well, I think if you are accepting cash offers then it shouldn't be first come, first serve. I really enjoy the time I spend with my son. What year is the saw blade shaped slammer?

Thur 9:43am
FROM: Marc (seller)
TO: Roger

what is good about the slammer? the label says 1995. i dont know if i could go back on the deal i already accepted. what r u offering? please tell me before around 2.

Thur 10:06am
FROM: Roger
TO: Marc

Marc,
I am prepared to offer you $500 cash, and yes i didn't accidentally hit the zero key another time. That is five-hundred dollars cash. But we need to to deal by 7pm tonight.
Get back to me ASAP.

Thur 10:47am
FROM: Marc (seller)
TO: Roger

i have a hard time believing u. why is the slammer so valuable? call me ***-***-****

Thur 11:23am
FROM: Roger
TO: Marc (seller)

Sorry Marc, I'm at work right now and unable to call, but I swear on my son's life that my offer of $500 is legitimate. The particular saw blade slammer you have was never meant to be released. Saw blade slammers were only used up until late 1995 until the UPC (United Pog Commission) outlawed them from tournament play. Let's get this deal done today.

Thur 11:52am
(At this point he is probably having trouble containing his excitement)
FROM: Marc
BCC: Roger and Dewayne

I bcc'd both of you bidders on this email and i just want for you to send final offers because its too hard to bid on email. the best i got so far has been $500 which I am shocked about.
send your best offer before 5.

Thur 1:03pm
FROM: Roger
TO: Marc (Seller)

My final offer is $601. Let's make this work for my son Darius.

Thur 2:41pm
FROM: Dewayne
TO: Marc (Seller)

Whatever the other guy offers, add $300 to my bid. It will be worth your while.
-D-WAY

Thur 4:18pm
FROM: Marc (Seller)
TO: Roger

Roger i'm sorry but the other bidder was higher. thanks for bidding and i hope your son feels better.

Thur 4:22pm
FROM: Marc (Seller)
TO: Dewayne

u had the highest bid. do u still have my address? i will be home all night tonight after 5.
call me asap ***-***-****

Thur 4:28pm
FROM: Alouicious Jeffries
TO: Marc (Seller)

We have reason to believe that you've been involved in the sale of illegal slammers over the internet. Our sources have been tracking known offenders and UPF players Dewayne Neederlander and Roger Podacter, and we have reason to believe you've been in contact with them over the past few days.
Please terminate all contact with these two individuals, and we also ask that you immediately destroy the slammer. We'll be sending an agent to your house this evening to ensure that the slammer has been destroyed.

Thank you and sorry for the alarm,
Alouicious Jeffries
President
United Pog Federation
President

Portable Toilet

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Hi. I saw your ad for the adult portable toilet. How much are you looking to get for it?
I was wondering how strong it is or how much weight it can hold?
Also, what is relative capacity of the toilet?
I am moving across country to Sacremento and I'm taking my dad with me. I have a large Astro van which we'll most likely be living out of for the next 2 weeks.
Thanks,
Roger

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

Im asking $25cash. I dont know for sure but it looks to be strong it has a metal adjustable frame to it doesnt look to be cheap made

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Thanks for the response, I am just apprehensive about purchasing this toilet if it won't be able to handle his 250 pound frame. My father is quite a load and he produces quite a load... The main reason we need this portable toilet is because he suffers from colitis and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and I don't feel like pulling over every 20 minutes during a cross-country trek. Basically anytime he has a meal or has been sitting for more than 30 minutes his body produces insane amounts of gas which can be quite cumbersome on his colon and the nostrils of those around him.
I plan on simply removing my passenger seat and replacing it with your portable toilet. It would be much more comfortable for myself and for my father. The only thing I need to know from you is if I would somehow be able to rig the seat belt up to it. The last thing I would want is for myself to round a bend and hit a deer at 60mph, launching my father and the projections of his colon through the windshield.
Basically, I just need to be reassured that this toilet will be able to handle my father.
FROM: Roger TO: Drew

Any chance I could possible get the toilet sometime this week? I am moving Friday and I have to pick up my dad on Thursday because I didn't pay for this month's fees at his retirement home.
Also, what are you looking to get for the toilet? I could just give you the $25 or we could make a trade?
Thanks

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

Asking $25 And you can come get it anytime, Where are you located

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Thanks for getting back to me so soon. I have no problem paying you $25 to ensure that my van's interior stays dry and white.
The only snag is that my brother Carl was going to be helping me load my dad into my van for the trip, and now he can't. Because of a restraining order, he's not allowed within 100 yards of his ex-girlfriend who lives at the old folks home. Yeah, I know its really weird, but he is into older women, but they she dumped him because he hit her in the face with a rake.

So basically I need someone to help load my dad into the back of my van. It would only take about 2-3 hours and we'd mostly be wheeling him from his room to the parking lot, then carrying him from his bed into a hammock I rigged up in the back of my van. He's been bed-ridden for about 5 weeks, so we'd just have to be careful lifting him to ensure we don't tear open his bed sores.

I live in Castle Shannon, but the old folks home is in Mount Pleasant. I'd be willing to pay you $20 more, so that bumps the total package up to $45. What hours are you normally available? The sooner we can pick him up the better, because they have been calling me non-stop about paying his bill for this month. I am available anytime as I am currently unemployed. Just e-mail me your number soon so I can call you, it'll be easier to set-up times.

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

Sorry nothing I can do to help

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

I had a feeling you wouldn't be interested at first. Luckily I talked with my dad and worked something out. After my mother died, my father revealed to my brother and me a small shelter beneath the front porch where he hid various valuables, in case mom ever left him from Juan Luis (a young puerto rican neighbor of my parents since 88).
I am willing to offer you the $45 as well as an opportunity to select 3 items from my father's hidden items. The items are mostly in great condition from being stored so well. They range from a Playboy collection 1980-84 (missing 81-83) and several reels of family film. One of which contains the birth of my brother or myself, my dad couldn't remember. There are also some fireworks and a case of beer.
Obviously these items may not seem valuable to you, so just in case I am willing to offer you $10 more. This bring the total payment for the toilet to $55.
I know it may seem like I am giving up a lot just for a stupid toilet, but I really need this thing and a hand loading my dad into the van.
Please let me know

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Sorry I told you I cant I have arthritis

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Oh, I'm sorry to hear you have arthritis, but I don't see why you can't help me out.
Surely you have a friend or someone who could help me, and I need that toilet. My dad has to be out of the home by 3:30pm on Thursday! I am willing to pay you $50 for the toilet, and then $15 to whoever will be helping load my dad.
THAT'S $65 FOR A TOILET!

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

Listen, I definitely don't want to help "load" your smelly old dad into your van. And I doubt you will find anyone that will for the money you are offering. I like to help people too but I'm not a charity.
I will sell you the toilet for $25 and thats it. PLEASE DO NOT E-MAIL ME IF YOU AREN'T INTERESTED IN JUST BUYING IT FOR $25.

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Alright, I think I have worked out the details. My cousin Randall just won a huge settlement after he found a finger in his soup at Eat n' Park. He used some of the money to buy a house in Stuebenville, OH, and he hired a moving company to take all his stuff there. He thinks there will be enough room to fit my dad. This way you would never have to help me move my dad from his home.
Unfortunately I'll be helping Randall all week until I leave, so I can't travel too far to meet you. Would you be able to meet me somewhere?

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

i'd be willing to meet you anywhere within 25 minutes of Baldwin. when do you have to leave?

FROM: Roger
TO: Drew

Drew, let's just meet at the **************** Retirement Community in Mount Pleasant at 3:30pm tomorrow. I'll bring the $25 and you should bring the toilet and comfortable sneakers. Maybe a dolly and some lifting straps too, I'm not sure how heavy that toilet is and you might need a hand unloading it.
I'll cya then !

FROM: Drew
TO: Roger

I am not helping to load your father! Go to hell!!!

Accordions for Sale

Roger Podacter:

Hi, I saw you're looking to trade your accordions for some guns. I am definitely interested, but are you only looking for guns or do you just want weapons of any kind?
Thanks,
Roger

B:

I'M PARTAL TO GUNS BUT, I'M OPEN TO ANYTHING, WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

Roger Podacter:

Sorry for my delay in response, I'm currently in prison on DUI charges so my internet access is limited. Some system this is huh?

Anyway, I'll be out on the 21st of November and I am definitely interested in your accordions. I'm looking to turn my life around and I think playing the accordion is the way to do it. I don't have any guns (wink). But I have other weapons that I would be willing to trade for the accordions.

I spent 6 months in Fallujah during Desert Storm working with the a unit that was basically in charge of explosives and detonations. During that time I became familiar with GBFEL's and NPB's (Ground Based Free Electron Lasers and Neutral Particle Beams). These are basically high energy lasers which are designed to neutralize ballistic missiles. Unfortunately, these units were not very widely used or popular. These babies hog quite a lot of power and that kind of juice was hard to come by in the deserts of Iraq.

Anyways, after the war I was able to acquire a NPB through an old college buddy of mine at a relatively low cost. Obviously, you understand that this type of technology is older and partly unstable which makes it extremely dangerous. Since I've had the particle beam I've only used it twice. When I initially acquired it I took it on a quail hunt with my brother-in-law T.J. When I first turned on the unit we pretty much vaporized a 50 yard area within line with the beam. We immediately powered down the unit. The only other time I used it was during a stag party at my old house in Penn Hills. We were shotgunning bottles of Old Grandad, when my uncle Jack passed out and accidentally turned on the device. My friend Darren received third degree burns and had his arm partially sheared off from the particle beam.

I think you now understand the danger, but also the enjoyment that this NPB has to offer. Please send me your cell number so we can arrange a time to meet. The best time and place for our deal would be under the cover of darkness and in a heavily rural area.

Look forward to playing the accordions,
Roger

Job: Stunt Driver Needed

October 8
Roger Podacter:

Good Morning,
I just wanted to formally apply my son for your stunt driver position posted on Craigslist. I see that you are looking for a "professional" stunt driver. Although my son is not a "professional" stunt driver, he has the experience, technical knowledge and pizazz of a professional. He has been involved in 17 amateur stunt videos (1 of which was featured on America's Funniest Home Videos) and 1 made for TV movie. His main areas of stunt expertise are:
Horse stunts
Bow staff fights
Grenade tricks
Somersaults
Razor scooter jumps
Holding breath for a long time
Etc
Please do not hesitate to contact me with questions or if you'd like some references or videos of his work.

I look forward to hearing from you,
Roger

October 9
FROM: Valerie
TO: Roger Podacter

Thank you for your interest. It seems that your son has quite a lot of experience, what we would need for our shoot isn't nearly as dangerous. The stunt involves a barrel roll with a small car.
Are you your son's manager? We'd like to deal with him directly if possible.
Our rates are set at $42/hr and the work would most likely be over a 2-3 day period.
Please have your son submit a resume and references.

Thank you,
Valerie ***********

October 12
FROM: Roger Podacter
TO: Valerie

Valerie,
Thank you for your prompt response. I see you want to deal with Darius directly, and I can understand that.
Sometimes as a father its tough to take off the training wheels. I've informed my son Darius of your interest in his services and he should be contacting you soon.
Thank you,
Roger

October 12
FROM: Darius Podacter
TO: Valerie

hey my dad told me u want to have me do a car stunt and i want to do it for sure.
-Darius

October 13
From:Valerie
To: Darius

Please send your resume ASAP. I also need references. We've had a hard time finding qualified canidates, so please provide solid references.

October 14
FROM: Roger Podacter
TO: Valerie
CC: Darius

Valerie,
Darius told me you e-mailed him two days ago. You never copied me on the e-mail, please do so in all future correspondence.
He may be the stuntman, but I'm still his father.

October 14
FROM: Darius
TO: Valerie, Roger

hey i think my dad is mad about ur email to me, hes mad at me too. he wants us to keep his email on the emails too. i can do the car stunt for sure and i think it would be cool if i was on fire while i did the stunt. this is my resume:
i can juggle good
i can do somesaults
i can throw a knife and a sword
i am a green belt
i can do skateboard tricks
i can fake throw-up
i can throw-up for real

i can do more stunts too. when do u want me to crash the car? i can only do it on the weekends or after school on the week and my bedtime is at 9.

-darius

October 14
FROM: Roger Podacter
TO: Valerie
CC: Darius

Valerie,
I think my son was confused as to which resume you wanted, he's been busy with school (Master's degree). I will get a resume to you by the end of the day today.
Sorry for the inconvience,
Roger

October 14
FROM: Valerie
TO: Roger

I don't think we're interested. Thank you.

October 16
FROM: Roger Podacter
TO: Valerie

Valerie,
I don't understand your sudden loss of interest? I was unable to send out Darius's resume the other day because we were practicing stunts and had an accident. We were trying out war movie stunts when Darius accidently ingested some mustard gas and lost control of his dirt bike, crashing it into my amateur chemistry laboratory. I was unable to get to my laptop because a massive chemical fire engulfed our home.
Thankfully Darius is going to be fine and can still shoot the car stunt for your film. I've been training Darius as a stuntman since he was 4 years old and now in 2009 he's one of the most gifted 12 year old stuntman in the business.
Please let me know your decision,
Roger

October 19
FROM: Darius Podacter
TO: Valerie

hey girl r u going to let me do the car stunt or not? and u never said if u liked my idea for me to be on fire for the stunt.
my dad promised me u were going to pay me.
-darius
October 20
FROM: Valerie
TO: Roger

You have your little 12 year old boy perform stunts!? I can't even begin to explain how disgusting you are as a parent.
Please do not e-mail me again.

October 21
FROM: Darius Podacter
TO: Valerie

Hey Valerie, its me Darius. I'm not really 12 years old, I'm 18, my dad was just joking around. I hope you are not too upset.
I am very interested in helping you out and doing the car stunt. Please contact me soon and we can arrange a meeting time.
And I know you may not like my dad, but he will have to be there for the meeting because my motorcycle is in the shop so he will be driving me to the meeting. I'll have my dad fax my birth certificate so you know I'm 18.
I do look like I am twelve and talk like I am twelve, but I am definitely not 12. I am 18.

October 21
FROM: Valerie
TO: Roger, Darius

STOP. EMAILING. ME. YOU CHILD ABUSER. I SERIOUSLY HOPE THIS IS A JOKE.

October 22
FROM: Roger Podacter
TO: Valerie

Valerie,
I'm not a child abuser, my son is 18. But even if he was 12, wouldn't it be kind of cool? My son being a world class stuntman at 12 years old!? Oh, and I love how you assume its child abuse.
Is it child abuse that my son made over $120,000 last year performing stunts??
Is it child abuse that he successfully skiied into a tree at 40mph for last year's Vern Troyer project on the life of Sonny Bono??
Is it child abuse that at the age of 9 he engulfed himself in flames for the movie "Sunnyville: Sun Colony 2045"?
Is it child abuse that he rode an adult siberian tiger for the film adaptation of "Thundercats"?
Is it child abuse that he took a cannonball to the chest for a Mead college-ruled paper commercial?
NO! It's not.
I have been a great father and I'll I'm trying to do is get my son what he deserves.
He is honestly 18. We were just having some fun. Where should I send the resume?
-Roger

Position: Picker Needed

Thu, Oct 8 Roger Podacter:

Good morning,
I saw your Picker position posted on-line, and I was just curious what exactly I would be "picking"?
I am 44 years old, strong as a full grown eagle and have a clean bill of health. I don't drink or smoke meth and I rarely eat out.
Thanks in advance,
Roger

Wed, Oct 14 Linda:

Roger, you would be picking mushrooms. Please give me a call @ 412-***-****.
Thank you,
Linda **********


Fri, Oct 16 Roger Podacter:
Thank you for your response. My previous experience as a picker has only been with corn and one season of apples.
Would this experience be enough to be considered for the position?
Should I send my resume to this e-mail address?
I can't call you right now because my dumb dad used all the month's minutes on our Cricket plan. I do have 3 texts left, so I could text you my resume. Would that work?
Thank you,
Roger

Mon, Oct 19 Linda:

Yes your experience would be fine, but we have had a change in orders. This is not an immediate need at the moment.
You can still send your resume because we have other companies we supply, but please just e-mail it.
Thanks, Linda

Mon, Oct 19 Roger Podacter:

Linda,
Great to hear back from you. I just came inside to take a break from my flock and I was delighted to find your e-mail.
I am somewhat disappointed to see that the picker position is no longer available, but I am excited by your mention of future opportunities.

Here is some basic information about myself:

Name: Roger Podacter
Age: 44
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 198lbs

Current Employment: I have been my own boss for the last 6 months and I am responsible for over 100 employees. I am currently a shepherd in Cambria County Pennsylvania and I tend to a flock of 96 sheep and 5 llamas. I have excellent leadership skills and have only lost one ewe to an animal attack. One evening I biked into town to get some cereal, and when I returned I encountered a full grown bear mauling a 2 year old named Jazzy. This job has given me experience riding horses, mules and llamas. I also am quite handy with a staff and hunting knife.

Previous Employment:
(November 10, 2008 - February 15, 2009)
Last Winter I was employed by Picko's Video Rentals/Veterinary Services located in Nanty Glo, PA. My job mostly required me to ensure tapes were rewound, movies made their way to the correct genre and that all dogs/cats were completely neutered/spayed. I was laid off/fired when my dad got tuberculosis and I was unable to get a ride to work.
During this time I joined a pyramid scheme and was quickly promoted to leader. Later on it became apparent that I was not leader, and I lost over $15,000.

(October 7, 2008 - October 7, 2008)
Happy Hills Day Care
I worked as a day care assistant / activities co-coordinator for around 2 hours in October. I was laid off near the beginning of my employment because of a paperwork foul-up on their part. I forgot to disclose my status as a Registered Sex-Offender, but they never even asked in the interview. Most of my experience here was meeting my boss and viewing an orientation video.

(July 4, 2005 - August 28, 2008)
I spent just over 3 years as a fashion designer / stylist for Jiggensmith Funeral home in Detroit, MI. My responsibilities included: styling hair, making glass eyes (hand blown), ironing shirts and covering stab wounds with patches or flowers . Sometimes I would be required to take "decent looking" parts from closed caskets and replace "poor parts" on open casket bodies, you'd be surprised how many families never check for four limbs in the closed caskets of relatives.

The only restrictions that I have on employment is that I cannot work with children or within 100 yards of a school or daycare center. Also I have no reliable means of transportation so someone would have to pick me up or be a work from home or "pyramid scheme" type deal.

I look forward to hearing from you,
Roger

Dodge Neon

Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 1:06 PM
Roger Podacter:

Hiya,
I saw your ad for the Neon today, and I was wondering if you still had it? I am looking to get a car for my son's 17th birthday, and this one seems perfect.
I don't have any quads, but I'd willing to pay you cash straight up.
-Roger

Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 1:16 PM
Todd:

Roger,
We do still have it.
When would you like to come and look at it?
Todd

Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 3:36 PM
Roger Podacter
To: Todd <*********@comcast.net>
Cc: Darius

Todd, thanks for getting back to me. I'll have to check with my son, but perhaps tonight or tomorrow.

Darius, when is your fall ball game?

Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 3:40 PM
Todd:
To: Roger Podacter

Okay sounds good!
Talk to you later.
-Todd

Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 3:45 PM
Darius Podacter:
To: Roger Podacter , Todd <*******@comcast.net>

dad! a freakin' dodge neon!!?!? r u serious??? come on!! i should just drive me and my friends around in a gaymobile!!!!! omg!!!!

Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 3:54 PM
Todd:
To: Roger Podacter
Cc: dariusp1995@yahoo.com

Roger,

I am very sorry for you.
You don’t need to reply.
It was nice chatting talking to you.
Thanks for your interest.

Todd

1992 KX 125 for Crossbow

1992 kx 125 for crossbow

Roger Podacter:

Good afternoon,
I saw your ad where you're looking to acquire a crossbow in a trade for your 1992 KX 125. I am definitely interested, and I have a Horton Recon 175 crossbow which I've only used for 5 kills. This particular bow is machined from solid aluminum billet and has a collapsible stock, vertical grip, and a three-position picatinny rail. The recon limbs also come with a lifetime warranty, so you know those suckers are built to last. This puppy can also launch an arrow at 325fps, which easily gives it enough power to puncture the skull of an attacker from a quarter mile away.
Like I said, I haven't used this particular bow very much and mostly had it for personal protection for my family. The bow is in excellent shape, but the only problem is that I went on an elk hunt with my brother-in-law Daryl last summer in the Yukon territory and we used poison tipped arrows. So all of the arrows included with the bow are poison tipped, so you'd have to be extremely carefully. I would also recommend using gloves when handling the bow because I am almost positive I dripped some of the poison onto the stock.
Obviously, this bow is a bit more valuable than your bike, so perhaps we can work some additional goods/compensation into the deal?
Look forward to hearing from you,
Roger

Steve:

Send me some pictures if you can through email or my cell phone and where are you from....?
Ya im interested i have an old 35 handgun i canthrow in it was left around from my grandfather so i dont think it was ever registered thats how old it was its a top break revolver maybe you can keep that in your dresser for protection....
Steve
412-***-****


Steve:

Roger,
Id like to throw something together asap because archery season has already started so let me know when you want to put something together...Im free all day today and also tommorow..
Thanks,
Steve

Roger Podacter:

Steve,
I get what you mean. I am gonna get over to my garage and take some pictures of it now. I'll try and send them sometime soon this afternoon.
I also feel I need to be completely honest with you. You are probably wondering why I am willing to trade such a high-quality bow for your crummy little bike. I feel I have to shoot you straight, so I'll tell you that this particular bow doesn't actually belong to me. It belonged to my brother Simon. And last spring while prepping the bow, I accidentally misfired and a ricochet poison tipped arrow punctured his lung.
Unfortunately, he passed away two days later. Originally I had planned to keep the bow, but over the next several weeks, strange things began to occur. The bow would strangely move locations in my garage when I had not used it. And I swear that several times it would fire when I had not yet triggered it to. I know you probably think I am crazy or joking, but I swear to god that I think this crossbow is haunted. Take it for whats it worth, but I just feel I need to let you know about it.
Are you still interested?
Roger

Steve:

Yes im still interested, My familys christian ill have them pray over it and well go from there sorry to here about your brother im sure you feel terrible but accidents do happen.
And the bike i have isnt alittle bike either im 6 ft 240 pounds and it was pulling my ass all over the place....If your mechanincal you can have it fixed and running fine in about 2 hrs if not you can take it to a shop they said it would be between 100 and 175 to have it all done so its up to you and where are you from???

Roger Podacter:

Del you are so insensitive!!!! This is some kind of SICK delusional joke!!!! I have no idea where you find the humor in pretending to e-mail back n forth with my dead husband!!?! and I KNOW for a fact you're still trying to get me back. Roger was my husband and I loved him, what you and I had was a fling and I regret it to this day. You know exactly what happened the day he died, and you know the cops couldn't prove it was murder!! I'm pretty sure that you and I both know YOU are the one responsible.
And now you're pretending to be having a negotiation with him for the very crossbow you used to kill him!?!?!?
BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!

Steve:

?????????
Is this some kind of joke? i guess this was a joke the whole time, so am i not getting that crossbow? who am i talking to here? the bikes really nice roger, del? or roger's wife or whoever....

Steve: (sent the next day)

I am little bit freaked out/concerned here, and I just need to know what exactly is going on.
Please respond to clear things up.

Motor Scooter for Sale

Roger Podacter:

Hi, I saw your scooter ad on-line and I'm very interested. My son Darius is an aspiring stuntman and currently performs horse stunts, but we are looking to move him into the motorized arena.
Do you have any idea how fast this scooter can travel?
Also, what are you looking to trade for?
Thanks,
Roger

Nick:

Nick Buchko

Hi! Thanks for your response to my ad. I'm a little over 230lbs and it took m...

Oct 8 (8 days ago)

Nick BuchkoLoading...

Oct 8 (8 days ago)

Hi! Thanks for your response to my ad. I'm a little over 230lbs and it took me somewhere between 15-20mph (I'm sure if he ways less than I do it probably has the potential to go faster!). I'm really hoping to get a wii or for my girlfriend or 150.00 but I'm open to other trades (let me know what you have!). There is also a list of other things on my post that I am also looking for.

Let me know!
~Nick
nb*********@hotmail.com

Roger Podacter

Nick,
Its great to hear back from you. If that scooter can go 15-20mph with someone as big as you on it, I'm sure it would be able to get Darius upwards of 55mph. He is on the smaller side and he's only at 83 pounds right now in 6th grade. But I'm sure he'll grow up fast. Have you ever used the scooter to perform tricks and/or stunts?
Those Nintendo Wiis are cool, and I'm sure your girlfriend would love one, but I'm not sure that the scooter is worth a Wii. I think she would really like a spectacular show. Maybe we could work something out where in exchange for the scooter, Darius and myself would perform a scooter stunt show for you and your friends/family. We could set-up our equipment in your yard and perform using your scooter. Normally something like this would set you back $600, but we'd be willing to do it for the scooter as long as you could provide us with a meal and dressing room.
I'll call you later today to discuss,
Roger

Nick B

Thank you for the offer but I just got an email from someone who wants to buy it for 140.00 and I could really use the cash.

Roger Podacter

Are you serious???? You'd rather have $140 instead of a private professional stunt show??
Come to your senses kid, do you think your girlfriend would rather watch you in your underwear playing Wii bowling or drool in amazement as my son Darius lands softly on the tarmac riding your scooter after clearing 6 cars while sporting a cape and tiger mask?
E-mail me back.

Nick B

???? are you serious?? You need to go to a nut bin or jail if you have your son doing a stunt show for money or my scooter? i'm taking the $140 and i'm getting a wii. thanks anyway nutjob!

Roger Podacter

Actually Nick, you'll be getting no stunt show and no $140. I am the sender of the $140 offer. This whole e-mail chain was a sting operation too discover if you are the culprit who stole MY motor scooter which we use for Darius's stunt shows.
After a careful review of all our correspondence I think I have enough evidence to call the cops and have you arrested. The only way I will change my mind is if you agree to invite Darius and myself to your home to perform a scooter stunt show for you and your friends/family. We could set-up our equipment in your yard and perform using your scooter. Normally something like this would set you back $600, but we'd be willing to do it for the scooter as long as you could provide us with a meal and dressing room.

I'll call you later today to discuss,
Roger

P.S. You have one hour to contact me or I am calling the cops

Nick B

I got the $140 today you ****