Friday, November 20, 2009

Carpet Cleaners



From Roger Podacter to Albert

Good afternoon! I just recently purchased an older home in Chavis Heights area of Raleigh.  Right now its just my son Darius and I after my recent divorce, but I've been getting closer to finding Darius a mother.  I've sent a few messages on Match.com and remain hopeful about my chances. 
Anyways, I got quite a deal on an absolutely adorable house, so I have some extra cash I'd like to spend on improvements.  One of the major improvements I need to do immediately is clean/replace the carpets.  I've been trying to get some estimates and have even had a few companies come to the house, but so far I haven't got any offers.
What are your normal rates?  The house is approximately 2,200 sq. ft.
Thanks,
Roger

From Albert to Roger

Yes I will give you my special.  Doing a replace is much more cost effective than a new install. please call me @ 919-***-****

From Roger to Albert

Albert,
Thanks for your quick response.  It is great to hear that you are willing to help my son and I.
The main area of carpet effected is the bedroom and den, but there are also spotty areas in the hallways, my office, a smaller bedroom and the living and dining rooms.
Altogether about 650 sq ft of carpet.  Any idea on what the cost of cleaning would be?  I just wonder if the damage is so extensive that it makes sense to just replace it.  Thanks again soo much, all of the other companies said they are ill equipped or simply refused to handle so much blood.
-Roger

From Albert to Roger
So much blood? I have done biohazard clean-up a few times before.  I would be able to do the job today. give me a call 919-***-****

From Roger to Albert

Albert,
Thanks again for your quick response.  Unfortunately, I won't be home today to let you into the house, and I appreciate your enthusiasm.  But I feel that you should first come to look at the house and then decide if you wish to help me out or not.  I wasn't entirely honest in my previous e-mails.
Well, I was honest, but I did not go into detail on the cause of the my carpet problems.
I got such a good deal on the home, because it was a former front for drug trade and 2 people were murdered at the residence.  I'm not talking about cyanide poisoning murder or choking on a ham sandwich murder.  We are talking I'm hungry for Bit-O-Honey's, I found a stick and I'm using your head as a pinata murder.  They never found the murder weapon, but the word bludgeon was used, and that was all I cared to here. 
I always thought that the police or someone involved in the investigation cleaned up these scenes, but apparently not.
I just felt I had to be honest with you,
Roger

From Albert to Roger


Roger It sounds like the house just needs some TLC and the Lord's blessings. It should really be no problem no job too big or too small. If you could let me know when or what time do you need me to come and give you a estimate?  I can show the cost advantages of repair over replace.

From Roger to Albert

Albert, sorry for my delay in response, but I spent nearly 4 hours last night looking over the carpet and debating on whether to simply have it cleaned or just replace it.
Do you have previous experience removing heavy blood stains?  I just worry, because the drug dealers bodies were not discovered until after about 12 days.  This allowed for heavy pooling. The carpet is quite light and of the shag variety.
I was thinking about just calling a flooring company and having them remove it tonight.
What are your thoughts?
-Roger
P.S. Sorry I'm being so indecisive.

From Albert to Roger

Roger,
My rates are very reasonable.  Your carpet may look bad but I am sure that we can get it looking brand new.  Replacing carpet can be costly but its your call. Call me.

From Roger to Albert

I never should have listened to you Albert!  I should have just called the flooring company in Raleigh and had them come out immediately to replace it.  Last night I was awoken by the sounds of Darius screaming like a banshee.  I darted from my bed and witnessed my own 62 pound son floating over the stairwell.  Upon closer inspection I could make out the outline of a large demon holding him by his Dora the Explorer underpants.  I immediately reached for my EPV meter to get a reading of the demon's strength, but it was nowhere to be found!  In its place was the shell-less body of Mister McGillicuddy, Darius's 6 year old box turtle.  He looked terrified.
Without knowing the demon's strength I was forced to remove my clothing and cover my entire body in aluminum foil to shield myself from being penetrated and possesed by the demon.  I was able to knock the wind out of the demon with a swift elbow to his groin.  Unfortunately, he dropped Darius down the flight of stairs.  We immediately evacuated the house and spent last night in a local Holiday Inn.
Because of you my son was nearly killed by a demon, and now that demon owns the deed to our home.  I left your phone number on top of the glass case over my beanie baby collection, so hopefully the demon will be contacting you soon.  Hopefully your equipment can cleanse your soul.

9 comments:

  1. HAAAAAAAAAA hilarious!

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  2. It is worth remembering that carpet cleaning liquids and products are often packed with chemicals, so they should be used with caution, particularly with children and animals in the house.

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  3. It is worth remembering that carpet cleaning liquids and products are often packed with chemicals, so they should be used with caution, particularly with children and animals in the house.

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  4. Carpet gives your room a sophisticated yet comforting look you need in your space. It also helps define your area.

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  5. If you are not comfortable with cleaning your carpets yourself or you can't be bothered to rent a carpet cleaning machine, drag it home, and get to work, then hire the pros!

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  6. We can also decorate our rooms with Kilim pillow Covers...

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  7. I will trying to decorate my rooms like that....keep it up..

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  8. The carpet cleaning chemicals can sometime create problem for the children and people who has that kind of allergy so those chemicals should be environmental friendly and methods of the cleaners must be safe and clear to eliminate that threat. The carpet cleaning in Austin tx are satisfactory regarding that sort of side effects.

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  9. If you know you should try to find out what your manufacturer recommends as to a cleaning process. Some may recommend a dry cleaning process. In this case, you will need to get a professional cleaning service. Should they recommend a wet cleaning (shampoo, steam, etc.) you need to make sure the carpet is to clean it as dry as possible. If you don't have the manufacturer's recommendations available, I would suggest a wet cleaning method because the majority of the daily soil contaminants are water soluble.

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