Monday, November 16, 2009

Ramada Inn

Roger Podacter
To: The Ramada Inn Providence, Rhode Island

Good afternoon,
I was in Providence earlier this week giving a lecture and demonstration at the Roger Williams Medical Center and I stayed at your hotel. My stay was very pleasant, but I had to leave in a hurry this yesterday morning.

I got a call from my mother informing me that my wife had gone into labor.  I had to cancel my morning appointments for the day and rushed out of the hotel to make the 3 hour drive back to New York.  Well, I'm sorry to say but I think I may have left one of my exhibits in the room.  It is a human hand.  Its an adult white male's and was in a formaldehyde jar. 

You probably think I am kidding around, but I can't for the life of me think of how I wouldn't have noticed it.  It may have rolled out of my bag and under the bed or something.
If you could please send someone to the room to retrieve it, I would really appreciate it.  I'll be back in Providence next week and could pick it up then.
Thank you,
Dr. Roger Podacter M.D.

Dewayne Neederlander
To: The Ramada Inn Providence, Rhode Island

I don't know if this is some kind of Halloween joke or something, but I just found a human hand in my room!  When I first checked in the room smelled kind of funny and while unpacking my things I noticed a small stain on the carpet under the bed.  When I took a closer look I found it was a broken glass jar with a human hand under the bed!! I nearly vomited.

I didn't really check it to see if it was real or not, I would assume it was fake.  I picked it up with a bag and threw it away in the lobby on my way out the door this morning.

That is a pretty clever prank, probably set-up by one of your maid staff, but I don't know if everyone would find it funny.

I thought it was quite funny and I'll definitely be staying with you guys again.
Dewayne Neederlander

Jason (Ramada Inn Service)
To: Dewayne Neederlander

We'd like to further investigate your incident with the room, but we have no record of you staying with us Mr. Neederlander.
What room was this incident in?

Thank you,

Dewayne Neederlander
To: Jason

Thanks for your response Jason.  I actually don't recall what room I was staying in, at the time of the incident I was quite inebriated after taking some LSD with my manager and a couple elves.  I am positive the room was on the 2nd floor, because I remember climbing a rainbow to reach my bed.

It makes sense that you don't have a record of a Dewayne Neederlander staying at your hotel, because I always travel under pseudonyms because of my high profile status.  My name is Robin Williams.  I was in Mrs. Doubtfire and Jack where I played a young boy who aged rapidly.  The movie ultimately and expectantly ended with me dying while all my closest friends were just starting with acne and wet dreams.

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