Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Target: Arbys
They sell: Food
Date: April 6, 2009

Good afternoon. My name is Roger Podacter and I just wanted to comment to you on the friendliness and overall beauty of your staff. Last week I was in your restaurant for lunch and my order was taken by a beautiful young girl whose nametag read "Lisa". I was immediately star-struck by her beauty and her ability to operate a cash register.

After ordering my roast beef sandwich I retired to the dining area to enjoy it as I quietly read my newspaper. Every so often I would steal a glance at young Lisa who was also looking at me. Our eyes locked and right then and there I decided I was going to ask her out. I took a large swig of my chocolate milkshake and headed for the counter.

Next thing I know I've got her phone number and a date for Friday. This past Friday we went to the movies and Eat N' Park (sorry). That night was magical and we really hit it off. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Lisa. That night was also the same night that I got her pregnant.

9 months later she gave birth to our son Michael, which was only 3 weeks after we eloped in Atlantic City. I have to apologize because I didn't meet a beautiful young server named Lisa at your Arby's restaurant last week, I met that beautiful young server named Lisa 29 years ago in your restaurant. She was so kind and gorgeous back then.

I wish I would have never eaten at your Arby's restaurant that day. I would have saved myself $490 a month in child support payments for 18 years, a nasty two year divorce and the loss of my retirement money. I did eat at your restaurant last week, but I ate alone. The bathrooms were really clean though, and they had plenty of paper towels to soak up my tears.

1 comment:

  1. I'll never look at the Montana sandwich the same way again.