Thursday, April 23, 2009

Johnston the Florist

Target: Johnston the Florist
What they sell: Flowers
Date: April 13, 2009
Submitted By: Mumpleton Funk

Good Evening,
I just wanted to take a moment to congratulate you on employing a tremendous staff at your store.

While traveling along Lincoln Way this afternoon in my 1993 Honda Civic a small beaver or wombat of some kind ran onto the road in front of my roadster. I was able to react quickly and avoid it, but in doing so I dropped my cigarette down onto my seat in between my legs. While I was trying to retrieve the cigarette, I received a call on my cell phone from Aramark who I am attempting to get a job from. I had to answer the call, but at the same time I was also attempting to retrieve the cigarette from between my legs.

Suddenly my rayon trousers burst into flames! I screamed "I'll call you right back" and flipped my cellphone to the backseat. By this time my trousers were fully ablaze and I had no other choice but to open my door and hurl myself out of the moving vehicle with a barrel-roll maneuver. The flames had spread to my polo shirt and I frantically rolled on the ground attempting to extinguish them. Fortunately, an employee from your store had gotten out of bed this morning and put on their hero cape. A fast thinking employee from your store and a 50 foot garden hose are the only things that saved my life today.

The burns are mild, only 2nd degree, but my Civic was totaled. My rayon pants were completely destroyed, but I must again thank you again for hiring employees that know the value of customer service.

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