Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Target: McDonald's
What they sell: Heart Disease
Date: Jan 19, 2008
Submitted By: Mumpleton Funk

This customer service compliment has been five years in the making. About 5 and a half years ago I discovered that I had an illegitimate child who was 11 years old. The child was a boy and his name was Kurtis. I will never forget the first day I met Kurtis, his mother and him met me at a McDonald's restaurant outside of Pittsburgh and enjoyed a meal.

I'll never forget the look on his face when I gave him a McDonald's happy meal complete with a turtle beanie baby. Kurtis took great delight in the happy meal, and i'll always remember watcing him play happily in the ball pit.
For the next 5 years Kurtis and his mother would meet me twice a week at McDonald's and we would share a meal and some laughs.

About four months ago, our family doctor said that Kurtis had some kind of heart condition. After more examination the doctor decided that a triple by-pass heart surgery would be required. The doctor was amazed and he has never seen this type of problem in a 15 yr old boy.

Kurtis died 2 days before the operation. His heart was 95% blocked. The autopsy determined that years of fatty foods from McDonalds restaurants had caused his death. I refuse to believe that. I have continued visiting McDonalds restaraunts and will continue to do so. I still have the memories of Kurtis' face to hold onto. That first day that I saw his smile and those bright green eyes. Thank you.

P.S. This entire story was made up. I am actually a 15 year old home alone from school. I've been huffing spray paint and drinking my step-dad's Old Milwaukee.


  1. that is rediculously funny!!!!!! good show